nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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