I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
