My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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