Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
