My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
