Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
