i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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