My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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