So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
