Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
