found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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