so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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