sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
