Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
