U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Your topless pictures make me question reality
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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