Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
