This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
2020 sucks, I want a refund
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
