Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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