Already got asked if we're dating
Your face is a jimmy john
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
