Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
