this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
