we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
