I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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