When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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