my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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