Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
