you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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