You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
