fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
