I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
