A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
