I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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