you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
