i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
