At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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