so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Please don't give away my fajitas
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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