things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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