I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We have started to decorate penises.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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