I never want to see another naked old woman again.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
