JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
