He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
