I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
