I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
