I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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