Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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