birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
