So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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