halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
