i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I look better un-naked...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
