Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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