I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
