I'm really into asian looking animals
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
