you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
