I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He passed out mid-signature
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
