Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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