bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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