I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
