I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
