I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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