I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
