He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
