take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
