Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
