i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
