That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
