The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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