i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
