we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
